Classroom Management for the Confrontation-Averse Teacher

One of the more challenging parts of a teacher’s job is occasionally assuming the role of authority figure.  Disciplining students can be especially unpleasant for those of us who prefer to avoid confrontation.  We aren’t suggesting you embrace an authoritarian classroom management style.  However, you’ll do yourself — or your students — no favors if you refuse to address behavior issues.  Let’s look deeper at the problems teachers face with conflict and confrontation and share classroom management tips for the confrontation-averse new teacher.

One of the more challenging parts of a teacher’s job is occasionally assuming the role of authority figure.  Disciplining students can be especially unpleasant for those of us who prefer to avoid confrontation.  We aren’t suggesting you embrace an authoritarian classroom management style.  However, you’ll do yourself — or your students — no favors if you refuse to address behavior issues.  Let’s look deeper at the problems teachers face with conflict and confrontation and share classroom management tips for the confrontation-averse new teacher.

We all let “the small stuff” slide.  However continuous disruptive behavior needs to be addressed, hopefully without confrontation.

Why a conflict-averse approach can backfire.

Conflict avoidance is the act of deflecting conflict at all costs — even when that avoidance can lead to larger issues or negatively impact you.

When we fail to address an issue that NEEDS to be addressed, it’s a disservice to the other students in class.

Six reasons teachers tend to be conflict-averse:  

• Many educators are people-pleasers — we want to help others and avoid upsetting them.  For example, ignoring a student’s behavior you previously stated is unacceptable.

• We have a fear of disappointing others.  For example, saying “yes” when a student asks for an extension.

• New teachers often lack confidence in their role.  Agreeing to round up a student’s grade because you haven’t encountered the situation before.

• We feel pressure to respond quickly without time to think it through.  Altering your assignment based on student pleading without analyzing how it impacts your learning objectives.

• Feeling outnumbered.  For example, the entire class begs to postpone the test until tomorrow.

• A desire to avoid escalation.  Failure to address poor behavior because the student may refuse to comply.

The pitfalls of conflict avoidance for teachers.

It’s wise to pick your battles, but consistently ignoring behavior issues can lead to unpleasant results.

• Your classroom culture will suffer.  Why should some students respect your rules when others do not?

• The number and severity of behavior incidents will likely increase over time.

• Your stress level will go up.  Your enjoyment of the job and time spent with students will go down.

When possible, keep conversations about behavior private.

Management tips for the confrontation-averse:

The truth is that it takes practice and willpower to address issues that arise in the classroom.  Remind yourself that upholding behavior expectations is better for both your students and you. 

Here are some tips:

1. Reconsider your assumptions about addressing behavior.

Assumption #1: All students want a teacher who lets everything slide.  This is not the case.  Even though it is uncomfortable for you to address behavior issues, many students are waiting for you to do it.  An orderly classroom puts them at ease.

Assumption #2: Confrontation means you’re angry or upset — that you’ve “lost” some sort of unspoken battle.  Instead, think of addressing student behavior as a learning opportunity for the student.  Remain matter-of-fact as you work to make sure your class runs smoothly.

2. Be proactive.

Prevent situations that lead to confrontation. Teach and practice your expectations with the students before they do anything out of line.  Provide specific examples of positive behaviors.  Continually remind students of the expectations — they might change with every activity.

3. Check in with students as they walk into class.

You accomplish two things by standing at the door and greeting students.  First, you can assess the mood of each student.  Who seems tense, lethargic, or upset that day?  Consider adjusting how you approach a student based on that information.  

Second, you’ll see if a student has earbuds, cell phones, hoods, hats, etc. before they sit down.  Ask them to correct the behavior without the entire class hearing you.  And because they are walking past you, it does not invite a conversation or confrontation.  Be sure to check that they have complied once they get to their desk.

4. Keep behavior conversations private.

When possible, avoid addressing behavior issues in front of the class.  Create a system to speak with a particular student after class or in the hallway.  Some teachers place a card on a student’s desk, others quietly ask them to remain after class.  

5. Remember you have lots of options and opportunities.

What happens if you don’t address an issue right away?  Address it tomorrow.  Subtly reference the previous day’s issue as the student walks in the following day.  For example, say you noticed they had their earbuds in yesterday.  Explain that today you want them to follow the class norm and not wear their earbuds.  

6. Make a plan.

If a student continues to disrupt your instruction, you’ll need to schedule a conversation with them.  The operative word is “schedule.”  Don’t do these conferences off the cuff.  Schedule a time to meet and then make a plan to address the issue.  You can use a script like this to guide you.  Be genuine in asking for input but also be clear about what is non-negotiable for you.

7. Do a class-wide reset.

If an issue is widespread (for example, a large percentage of the class talks during independent work) you may need to address the entire class.  Start the next day by talking to the class about which rules or norms are not being followed.  Explain (again) why these rules/norms are in place.  Lay out your next steps — conference, reflection sheet, or other consequence — if students continue to violate the rule or norm.  As always, the key is to follow through.

8. Address one issue at a time.

You could probably create a list of the student behaviors you’d like to change. Trying to solve them all at once isn’t effective.  Pick one or two (max) issues to address.  Start with the behavior that is most impactful on student learning.  If there are multiple equally important issues, choose the issue you think is easiest.  Clearly define the issue, how it impacts learning, and the behavior you want to see going forward.

9. Keep practicing.

Unpleasant as it is, you will face behavior issues every year.  The more you force yourself to practice different techniques, the more you’ll find what works best for you.  Practice will also make you more comfortable and confident in confronting whatever comes your way.  You got this!

Final thoughts…

As you enter the classroom each day, try to keep in mind:

• Consistently ignoring disruptive behavior isn’t what is best for all students.

• Understanding the cause of your avoidance can help you stay accountable and, hopefully, keep you from avoiding an issue when it arises.

• Arm yourself with techniques that allow you to address issues in a way that is comfortable for you.

• Address and resolve behavior issues privately whenever possible.

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