How to Partner With Parents When Classroom Behaviors Escalate

What classroom management strategy did I avoid most as a teacher? Calling parents. I would do anything to sidestep that call: giving extra chances, looking the other way, piling on consequences, or sending an email instead.  But when I discuss how to partner with parents with new teachers, I find myself saying the same thing over and over – “Sometimes the best thing you can do is pick up the phone.”

I recall one colleague who called parents for nearly everything. Missing assignments? Phone call. A couple of tardies? Phone call. The student seemed off? Phone call. She even gave her parents her cell number (not something I recommend!).

One day during a meeting, her phone rang. She glanced at it and excused herself, explaining that it was a parent returning her call. I watched as she calmly spoke, shared a laugh, addressed the concern, and wrapped up with a clear plan and follow-up date.

I asked her about the parent phone calls. Her philosophy was simple: keep parents in the loop.  I was surprised to learn that her preferred form of communication was a phone call.

Though I never reached her level of calling, I came to see the value. Done well, parent phone calls build trust instead of conflict, something I cannot always say about email contact.

When is a good time to call parents? Here’s my rule of thumb:

• • After 2–3 classroom interventions haven’t worked
  • When a moderate or serious incident occurs
  • When you see a clear pattern – chronic tardiness, repeated missing work, etc.

Why make a phone call instead of sending an email?

OK, there are plenty of instances for which an email is fine.  But when you’re serious about tackling a behavior issue and need support from parents, a phone call is the way to go.

Advantages of a phone conversation over an email:

Tone – parents can hear your warmth and genuine concern, while an email can come across as cold

Clarity – real-time conversation eliminates confusion and those lengthy back-and-forth email threads

Partnership – a phone call is more conducive to getting input from parents, an essential component of respectful collaboration

Time – if you’ve ever thoughtfully drafted a three-paragraph email, you know 30 minutes of your prep just disappeared

If I’ve convinced you to pick up the phone, try using the following simple framework to keep the conversation positive and productive.

How to Partner With Parents: Five Steps to a Productive Phone Call

Step 1: Set a positive tone right away

What to do: 

Start the conversation by introducing yourself and sharing a positive observation about the student, like a strength or recent success.

Why it matters:

A positive opening lowers defenses (calls from school are rarely good news, right?) and signals you’re on the same team.

Examples:

• • “This is Amanda, Jamie’s ELA teacher. I wanted to touch base with you so we can build on the progress he made with his in-class essay last week.”

• • “I wanted to share a quick success and a concern so we can work together to keep things on track. First, Jamie is always eager to contribute insightful points in our class discussions.”

Step 2: Share the evidence – stick to the facts. 

What to do: 

Describe observable behavior with dates/examples (missing assignments, class refusals, tardies, specific incidents, etc.). Avoid labels or interpretation. Explain briefly how the behavior affects learning.

Be ready to share artifacts (grades, screenshots, work examples) if the parent asks. Also mention what you’ve already tried in class (2–3 low-level interventions) so the call doesn’t come out of nowhere.

Why it matters: 

Facts are less triggering than judgments and give parents a clear picture to respond to.

Examples:

• • “On Sept. 3 and Sept. 5, Jamie left group work early and didn’t submit the exit tickets.”

• • “He’s turned in 1 of 4 homework assignments this grading period, which is affecting his quiz readiness.”

Step 3: Ask for parent input.  This is the most powerful step of the framework.

What to do: 

Use an open-ended question to solicit the parent’s perspective, allowing them to provide more contextual information.  (This is where a phone call beats an email every time.)

Why it matters:

When you ask the parent if they have suggestions or if there are specific strategies that their child responds well to, you acknowledge their expertise.  You are demonstrating a desire to work together.

Examples::

• • “Have you noticed anything different at home lately?”

• • “What usually helps when Jamie is falling behind?”

• • “Are there supports or routines at home that I could use in class?”

Step 4: Propose a plan.  Be concrete, collaborative, and time-bound.

What to do:

Offer 2–3 specific actions (teacher actions + parent actions) with a short trial period and measurable goals. Include next steps and who will do what.

Start by suggesting classroom supports (seat change, brief check-ins, modified deadlines) before escalating to outside supports. If more intensive help is needed, mention counselor/administrator options as part of the plan.

Why it matters: 

Plans that involve actions on everyone’s part make follow-up conversations easier and make accountability amenable for everyone.

Example:

• • Teacher: “I’ll give Jamie an extension until Monday and will check in with him briefly after class on Wednesday. Can you remind him about the new deadline and check in at home on Thursday night? We can try this for two weeks and see if his assignment completion improves.  Then I can check in with you the week of Oct. 20.”

Step 5: Wrap up with clear next steps and a follow-up date.

What to do: 

Verbally summarize the agreed actions, confirm the follow-up date and method, and thank the parent. Log the call in your records.

Why it matters:

Recapping the plan prevents miscommunication and sets expectations for accountability.

Sample closing:

• • “So to recap: I’ll check in with Jamie on Wednesday and extend the deadline to Monday; you’ll remind him at home on Thursday. I’ll call or email an update on Oct. 20. Does that work for you? Thank you for taking the time to speak with me about this.  I want Jamie to do well in this class and appreciate you working with me so that I can best support him.

A framework to keep conversations focused.

I found this framework helped ease any anxiety I had about making parent phone calls.  Like my colleague, I also found that a quick phone call often worked better than an email – especially when the issue was sensitive or concerning.

Consider this your gentle nudge to make more calls. And for extra impact? Call home to share good news or a success. It’s hard to make the time to do so, but those conversations mean more to parents than you might think.

If you’re looking for a step-by-step system for effective classroom management, check out the New Teacher’s Classroom Management Toolkit!

Amanda Melsby has been a professional educator for 20 years.  She taught English before working as an assistant principal and later as a high school principal.  Amanda holds an Ed.D. in Educational Practice and Leadership and is currently a dean of teaching and learning.